Imaam Sufyaan Refuses to Marry a Woman of High Ranking in Society

In Islaam marriage is recommended, and there is nothing wrong with marrying a woman of wealth and high standing in society, so long as she is a practising Muslim. The permissibility of marrying above one’s station in life is notwithstanding, Sufyaan refused to go down that road, deciding instead to marry someone of equal wealth and standing in society. Imaam Sufyaan chose to lead a harsh life, the life of a scholar-traveler, never resting in one place, but always traveling from city to city in order to acquire more knowledge.

He wanted a life partner who has already accustomed to hardships, and not one who had been pampered her entire life; the former would immediately blend into his milieu, whereas the latter would have to acclimatize herself to his lifestyle. And even if such a woman wanted to share in his hardships, she would have a hard time doing so, having been accustomed her entire life to luxury and comfort.

I am not discussing this issue from a theoretical perspective; a rich woman of high standing in society actually wanted to marry Imaam Sufyaan, but he refused to marry her based on the above mentioned reasons.

Mansoor ibn Saabiq related that an inhabitant of Basrah tried to convince Imaam Sufyaan to get married. Imaam Sufyaan’s simple reply was this: “Then find me someone to marry.“

Having agreed that the Basree man should try to find a suitable match for him, Imaam Sufyaan traveled to Makkah; meanwhile, the Basree man returned to Al-Basrah and proposed on behalf of Sufyaan to the daughter of one of the wealthiest men of Al-Basra. Their family was wealthy and of noble lineage.

The girl’s father readily agreed to the match, and a caravan filled with servants and wealth was prepared for him, so that she could travel to her prospective husband. In all of the discussions between the Basree man and the girl’s father, it was assumed that Imaam Sufyaan was willing to marry her, for what man would refuse such a match.

The girl traveled to Makkah, as did the Basree man who had arranged the match. The Basree man went to Sufyaan and said, “Shall I conduct the marriage contract?”

“With whom (am I getting married)?” Imaam Sufyaan asked.

“The daughter of so-and-so,” the Basree man said, and went on to describe the girl’s family, their great wealth, and their noble lineage.

“I do not need her!” Imaam Sufyaan exclaimed. “I asked you to find me a wife who is my equal.“

Such a reply came as a shock to the Basree man, who had gone through a great deal of trouble to arrange the match. He said, “But the girl’s family agreed to the marriage.” Or in other words: Money is not an issue; they know who you are and how much wealth you have.

“I do not need her,” repeated Imaam Sufyaan.

“Will you disgrace me in front of my people?” The Basree man asked.

“I do not need her,” Sufyaan said.

“Then what should I do?”

“Return to them,” Sufyaan said, “and tell them that I have no need to marry her.” When the Basree man went to the family and told them what Imaam Sufyaan had said, the girl said, “What makes him dislike me?”

“Wealth!” the Basree man exclaimed.

“Then I will divest myself of all of my wealth,” she said, “and I will live patiently alongside him.” The man was elated; he ran to see Sufyaan and tell him the good news.

Upon receiving the girl’s message, Imaam Sufyaan (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, “I do not need her. A woman who was raised as a queen and who has always led a comfortable life will not patiently endure this life (that I lead).” He thus refused to marry her, and she left Makkah and returned to Al-Basrah.

In not marrying the wealthy girl, Imaam Sufyaan was trying to protect himself from temptations; he did not want her and her wealth to divert him from his true calling in life.

Abridged from: The Biography of Sufyaan ath-Thauree (rahimahullaah), p86-88