(Taken from the book “20 PIECES OF ADVICE to my sister before MARRIAGE” By the noble Scholar Badr bin Ali Al-Utaybee).
Ibn Hibban narrated in his work Nazahti Al-Fadlaa the advice of Al-Khattaab bin Mu’laa Al-Makhzoomee to his son. At the end of his words he mentioned the following: “Know that women vary more than the fingers of your hand. So be cautious in dealing with them.”
Every Evil Women will inevitably harm you:
THE FIRST TYPE:
- The woman who is amazed with herself and belittles her husband (27).
- If he honors her she sees it not except as a result of her virtue over him (28).
- She shows no gratitude for his courtesy. In her eyes he always falls short.
- She lashes her tongue out at him like a sharp sword.
- Her imprudence has removed the cover of shyness from her face: she is not shy from exposing her faults even when in front of the neighbors (29).
- She is like a growling dog with rabies, barking and biting.
- Her husband’s face is sad (30), and his honor is violated with the people.
- She over burdens him with her bad etiquettes and does not tend to his worldly or religious affairs.
- Nor does she uphold her duties towards him in spite of his companionship and the many children they may share;
- she doesn’t recognize any good that he does.
- His covering is revealed and made public. All the good that he does is buried (31).
- He reaches the morning dispirited and enters the evening reprimanding her (32).
- His drink is sour. His food is rage. His children are wasted and his house is destroyed (33).
- His clothes is filthy and hair dishevel. If he laughs he is worn down (34), and if he speaks he feels sickened. His day is night; his night is misery (35).
- She bites him like a vicious snake, and stings like a scorpion.
THE SECOND TYPE:
- From amongst them are: The Shafsha’leeq (The relaxed and lazy woman), Sha’sha (The tall woman), Salfa’a (The blatantly ill-mannered woman), possessor of saturated poison (36), a spark of light yet worn out, she moves with the wind and flies with everyone who has wings (37).
- If her husband says “No” she says “Yes,” If he says “Yes” she says “No.”(38).
- She is born to disgrace him. She looks down at the good he has done for her (39), and belittles him by comparing him to other men.
- She moves him from one state to another, to the point that his home has become insignificant to him and his children have become a source of boredom.
- His life festers and he looks down upon himself. His brothers criticize him and his neighbors have mercy on him (40).
THE THIRD TYPE:
- Al-Warhaa (A foolish woman),(41),
- flirtatious when not appropriate, speaks with a slur, and indulges herself in that which does not concern her (42).
- She’s content with her love, takes pleasure in his wealth (43), and eats like a grazing donkey.
- The sun has risen and he has yet to hear a word from her (44); her food is stale; her pots are stained; her baking dough is sour, her cooking water is lukewarm (45), plants can grow in her belongings (46), she doesn’t engage in the slightest of good deeds (47). She beats her servants and enrages her neighbors (48).
THE FOURTH TYPE:
- Is the loving and affectionate woman, blessed child-bearing, can be trusted while she’s alone, loved by her neighbors, praiseworthy when in open or private, generous and kind in her marital dealings.
- Many virtues, she speaks softly (49), she keeps a clean house, her servants is well fed (50); her son is well kept (51),
- She is continuous in doing good deeds; her husband is well pleased.
- She’s a tender and affectionate lover. She is described by having chastity and doing much good.
- May Allah make you, Oh sister, from amongst those who follow the guidance and have taqwa, avoid Allah’s Anger and is pleased with his Pleasure!
This is the completion of his advice in which contains an important message of the praiseworthy and blameworthy descriptions of women.
____________________________________ FOOTNOTES:
(27). Meaning she’s arrogant, and constantly looks down upon her husband, either because of his intelligence, his tribe, his wealth, his credentials etc.
(28). She does not thank him, but because of her intense arrogance, she think everything he does for her is because of her lofty status over him.
(29). Meaning she speaks to him with a very inappropriate loud and boisterous voice, to the point that it reaches outside the home. Her manners don’t encourage her to lower her voice; rather, she raises it, and is not shy in front of the neighbors or guests.
(30). I have mentioned in different places: a woman’s behavior appears on her husband’s face, especially when guest comes over the house. So whoever is happy with the arrival of guests, providing them with the best of hospitality: delicious food and drink, a warm welcome, and the husband’s face is happy as well, then his wife is happier and more excited about her husband’s guests. On the other hand, whoever’s face is sad, the food and drink are not well prepared, the dishes are filthy, and he is lazy at honoring his guests, then know for sure that behind him is a woman who feels even more burdened by the presence of the guests.
(31). She mentions his faults in front of the women, belittle him. Regardless of how much he does for her, she conceals it in front of the people, not recognizing his deeds in front of him or in front of others.
(32). He wakes up sad, because of the previous night that has passed with this condescending woman, and in the evening he goes to sleep in a state of quarrel, from a day of catastrophe with her.
(33). Meaning from her intense arrogance, she doesn’t even concern herself with the children or the belongings of the home. Her son is a wreck and the house as well, all due to her neglectfulness and lack of support and generosity.
(34). Meaning from the intense sadness of his life, when he laughs the signs of regret and remorse appear on his face, with the feeling of failure. It is even difficult for him to speak, due to sever discouragement. We seek refuge in Allah from this state.
(35). Meaning his day is night, due to the problems he deals with, and his night is misery from her as well. There is no might and no power except with Allah.
(36). Ash-Shafsha ‘Ieeq: The relaxed and lazy woman. Ash-Sha’sha: the tall woman. As-Salfa: the blatantly ill-mannared woman. The intent behind all of this is to show the extent of her poor manners and nature.
(37). All of these characteristics indicate that she is not firm on an opinion. She acts based on the opinions of others, going to bed with a view and waking up with another position. Her husband doesn’t know her mood, and she is not firm on a particular way.
(38). This is due to her arrogence and stubborn nature, causing her to be happy with opposing his command and not obeying his order.
(39). She is the cause of this humiliation, and belittles every good deed he does for her.
(40). She is the cause of his somberness, causing him to begin to hate his house, he is bored with his children, dislikes his marital life, and does not even tend to himself, to the point that his neighbors and family begin to pity him.
(41). Al-Warhaa’: The foolish woman. This word originates from describing the clouds, when they are full of rain. This type of woman is affectionate at the wrong time, until it reaches negligence.
(42). She speaks as if she was chewing her tongue, and to make matters worse, she involves herself in matters that do not concern her.
(43). From her sluggishness: Her only goal is that her husband loves her without putting forth any effort of service that will help her gain his love.
(44). As an indication of her laziness, the sun rises and she is still asleep, no sound from her. Her house has not been vacuumed or organized. How abundant is this type! Also, this point shows us the characteristic of the complete wife, which would be the opposite of this type. The complete wife is active at the beginning of the morning, cleaning and beautifying the home.
(45). From her laziness is that, when she serves food to her husband or guest, it is stale, not freshly cooked. Likewise, the dishes are stained with old food particles and grease. And her cooking is so bad that the dough has become acidic due to fermenting for a long period of time. All of this is from her laziness. Similarly, the cooking water is lukewarm, not well boiled.
(46). This is from the things that make you laugh and cry. Describing this wife’s extreme laziness, her belongings have gone so long without reorganization or cleaning that dirt had build up on them to the point that it is like earth where plants can grow. It is critical that the wife avoids this; rather she should be keen on cleaning, organizing, and rearranging every part of the home.
(47). Meaning she is not socially interactive with her neighbors, cooperating with them, lending a helping hand, and honoring them.
(48). All of this is due to her failure in marital life, her despicable behavior. She harms her servant and earns the dislike oh her neighbor.
(49). This is the custom of well-mannered woman: Softly speaking to ones husband, out of honor and respect for him. Similarly, while dealing with the children inside the house. It has been mentioned previously those women who expose themselves by speaking loudly in front of the neighbors.
(50). Meaning: from her generosity, great service, and skillful cooking, her servant is very well fed. So what about her children and husband?; no doubt they are even more well fed.
(51). The cleanliness of the children indicates the cleanliness of the mother, so she always concerns herself with having a good hygiene, clean clothing, and above that, being clean and pure inwardly, with virtuous matters and beautiful speech.
(May Allah azza wa jal protect us from falling into these shameful characteristics, Ameen
(May Allah azza wa jal protect us from falling into these shameful characteristics, Ameen
